Saturday, January 10, 2009

Strange Ways

The heart is a strange thing.

I have been thinking about my longing to return to China. The excitement and longing can take over my emotions so often. But, then I also think about the things that will be hard. Saying good-bye to family, not knowing when I will see them again. Uprooting my children from their home, friends, everything that is familiar to them. Being physically far from a community that loves me and my family. I know how my heart will ache to just have a friend to call and go for coffee with. Someone I don't have to explain myself too, someone who already knows enough about me to laugh at my quirky unfinished sentences. These things will hurt and I know that they will. Yet, exactly in that, is where the strangeness comes in. To long for something that I know will hurt.
But then I read about another family living overseas, and how a very legitimate need, was miraculously met. Then I remember. I remember walking in something that you just knew you were created to do. A glove that fit just so. Like breathing air that was meant for you to breathe ( well, minus the super icky pollution that just didn't ever wash off ).

There is a song that makes me cry every time I sing it. One part goes something like this
"It's gonna be worth it, its' gonna be worth it, it's gonna be worth it all!!"
That is where my hope is put. I know who is calling me, and I know his ways as sure. My heart will ache whereever I live and what ever I do. That is life. But if I fix my eyes on the promise, if I remember the why and the who, my heart can live in these strange ways.

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