Thursday, February 26, 2009

The waiting

wow, with a title like that I could go into a whole long post on my life of waiting.......but I won't. (lucky for youhehe) Well, maybe just a little bit.
Many of my seasons of waiting have felt rather fruitless. Like all I was doing was.........waiting. Well, other than raising and homeschooling my children. But right now, I have felt the most productive in my waiting. I am so greatly charged by my new art projects, I really could kick myself for not following this whisper I have heard much much sooner. It has been a lot of fun to share this new love with my kiddo's as well. They are loving experimenting with paints, and have quickly become spoiled by using all of my paints, and now turn their cute little noses at the kids paint sets.

Yesterday we had coffee with some people. You know, those people you know a little of from a distance. These were those kind of people. Although it was a bit of an interview for ourselves, we were intrigued to learn more of their story. It seemed these were people who have waited for some of their desires, and much longer than I have. I found inspiration in that. I am not sure if it is good to find comfort in someone else's discomfort, but I did.

There are some things happening that bring our move to Hong Kong closer, but.......not quite. Oh, this waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Some days I take joy in how close we are, and others, well, others days, it seems all I can think of is how far away it is yet.

Meanwhile, today I was in bed all day, sick. As I was snugging my almost 6 yr old (I could cry when I read that, my baby is almost 6............) I asked him if he could stop growing. I told him I really needed a little 6yr old in my life forever. He said ever so casually
"Well, it is up to God mom. He will decide if I grow or not".

Monday, February 23, 2009

Being seen

After my last post I have been thinking a lot about people and more specifically people's stories.

It is a powerful thing to share your story with people. We had some friends over last weekend and as everyone was just sitting around talking, someone started to share part of their story. From there, others began to open up and share a part of their lives that had some of the same elements. It was beautiful to see people hearts be opened to one another. For people to be seen and to see others.
Then yesterday, I was at another friends house, and we began to share our 'battle stories' and how we got through those times. Everyone was laughing as we remembered. We all recounted how we got through the long waits, the disappointments, but also the miracles we had seen and experienced.
And again, I noticed a beautiful thing happen. We all felt encouraged to continue in our journey. There was a strength that was breathed into each one of us as we simply shared our stories.

When I got home, I thought of history, and how many of the old festivals were really remembrances. Remembering the miracles, remembering to be thank-ful, remembering just to celebrate, and sometimes remembering the heartache. They would retell the stories of old,
passing on from one generation to the next.
I remembering being in China, and I would watch a group of women in my apartment complex. Every afternoon they would sit together. In winter they would move with the sun, and in summer they would move with the shade.

I would sit in my window sill and wonder what they talked about, wishing I could join in (even if I didn't knit). Often they would invite me to sit with them, but with my 5 words of mandarin, the conversation never got very far. But, over the months as I watched this daily ritual, I thought of the power of telling our tales. Sharing our moments of greatness, and weakness.
It is a wondrous thing how we were created, isn't it!

This last picture I found, and had to add it, just to remember part of my own journey. This was in Shanghai. I had taken the kids out for an afternoon in the park. And they are super cute if I do say so myself!! Aww, those were great days!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Girlie Girls

Last night I was invited to a pajama party. There was going to be movies, and chocolate fondue and lotsa fruit. Hmmm, fun, not fun, fun, not fun. Couldn't quite decide. I am not always a 'women's event' kind of person. But, a friend called and said she would go if I would go, so off we went. Plus, with being house bound for more days than is safe, I decided it was in everyone's best interest for me to get out. And it was also in my mind that one of the things I missed the most last time we lived overseas was friends to just hang out with, so why not enjoy an opportunity while I have it. My husband was super amazing as well. It was his birthday yesterday, and he had a major project to get prepared for school today, so I felt bad going, but he said it was fine.
I think he secretly he knew it was in his best interest to get me out!!hehe
I had a blast. It was great to catch up with some old friends while sitting in front of a fireplace. I love fireplaces.
At one point I saw a person whom I don't really know, but wanted to say hi to. A "hi" turned into an hour long conversation. It was such a gift. I love when you talk to someone that it would appear you don't have a lot in common, but as you share a part of your journey, you connect. You understand, and you see in their response that they are connecting as well. It is like a surprise gift. And it isn't just that I was understand, but the feeling of giving someone else the sense of being heard, understood, blessed. Valuing who they are in their journey, without trying to fix it.Even today, the sweetness of feeling understood and embraced remains with me.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Sick days

Our house has been on the defensive against a nasty bug for the last few weeks. It didn't strike us all at once, but has made a slow progress from one person to another. Mostly it hasn't been too bad. It seems to be flu like, but we have mostly not had the typical really disgusting parts of having the flu (you know, big bowls in every room for 'just in case you don't make it yuckiness).
So today, my only goal was to get out of the house and do something. That is it, just get out. Well, needless to say it is noon, and the prospects are not looking good.
On the homeschooling front we are doing Canadian history and reading some amazing books together. Right now we are reading a book called "Jeremy's war 1812". It is a true story about a boys life as batboy for General Isaac Brook ( a batboy was the go to person). We try to read a chapter a day, but today they begged me to read 'Just one more mom ppplleeeaasseee!!!'. So, it was a the perfect thing to do with half of us being sick. We all crawled under my duvet (it is the only blanket the kids want when they are sick) on the couch and read together for 2 hours. I couldn't believe it. Sometimes they colored while they listened, but mostly we just snuggled together and went on a adventure of how the French, British and Americans fought for Upper Canada. It turned out to be a great morning.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It's not easy being green

I have a confession.
I have a deep love for the color green.
I don't know where it came from, and not even sure when it really started, but I am drawn to this color in a rather strange way. Maybe it is because it draws out my green eye color that I love, maybe, but who really knows. I recently filled out a survey on facebook (yes, I did join the ranks of facebookers after all my cries of never), and it was write 25 things about yourself. I think I wrote in there at least twice that I love the color green. My sister called me from three provinces away just to point out that it was a little odd.
Then the next day I had an almost complete stranger that I see on a regular basis (we pass one another dropping our girls of at school twice a week) come up to me and comment on how much I must love the color green.

I have these two green sweaters. So I wear them.........alot.

Then two days later, I had another mom comment on my love for green as she tried not to stare at my green shoes.
Those wonderful green shoes are one of many gifts I have been given because the giver knew of my deep love of green. I get so many compliments on these shoes. (thanks Lisa)

All these comments in such a short period of time was starting to get a little strange, and I thought perhaps I should start to feel a little more self-conscious about my love of this fabulous hue.

Those wonderful green shoes are one of many gifts I have been given because the giver knew of my deep love of green. I get so many compliments on these shoes. (thanks Lisa)

Once a friend was coming over and gave me a dish cloth because.....well you probably guessed was green. I loved that, I thought it was so amazingly spectacular, and didn't use if for the longest time because it didn't want it to get dirty and stinky as all dish clothes do.

I have been given a bowl, because it had green rings around it, and I see it everyday and think of that friend too (Jenine, you knew)

Last year for my birthday, my hubby was in China. So my very vonderful friend took my children to buy me some gifts. They knew me perfectly. A green sweater, a huge cozy green blanket, and some chocolate. (no the chocolate wasn't green hehe) (Carrie -that was the best)

I was given a necklace that women in Africa make out of recycled paper, and yes it is green.

Right now I am sad, because my favorite necklace, green glass beads, is missing in action. My world is just not right with out it.

Oh the list could go on.

After thinking this all thru, here was my conclusion. Some people are known for their amazing singing, some people for their great cheesecakes.

Me, well, every time you see green, think of me. Those green sweaters and blankets have wrapped me in a happy coziness during this long cloudy winter. Those shoes, I will wear them, and love the spring the bring to my step. My fruit tastes better out of a bowl with green rings, and my dishes are cleaner because of the green cloth. I feel like a superhero when I were my green necklaces.

No, I will not be ashamed.

I admit.

I love green!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Holding it all loosely

As I have said before, we have lived out our lives with the thought of moving overseas for a few years now. We casually throw around comments like 'you can go to camp if we still live here', 'No we are not going to buy that in case we go soon' etc etc. Most of the time this is part of our normal conversation, and a big part of our decision making.
There are times when I realize how strange it is to be raising my kids this way. How really not normal it is. But then there are times when I see how hard it is for my kids.

We were at the store a few weeks back and all my kids wanted to spend their allowance on the biggest cutest softest stuffies ever. So casually I said that there would be a good chance that these stuffies would be too big to take along when we move to Hong Kong.
Like I said, this is a normal part of conversation for us. But that day, it was different.
Two of my kids skipped off picking a small one they new would fit in the coveted "2 suitcase quota'. But one of my precious little ones stopped. In the business of Superstore I almost missed it and was about to tell him he needed to hurry up. As I looked at his face I saw the questions. In that moment, he felt the strangeness. He knew how hard the giving up would be, how difficult to pick of all his belongings, what was going to come with him.
In that moment I uttered a desperate breathe prayer, for him, for us all.

But I trust the journey. I choose to trust the journey. I trust that hands that hold it all.

I also think of all of those who have and are doing this. It has been a wonderful thing for us to know so many families living overseas. I remember the first time we went and found online forums of moms who lived overseas. Suddenly I felt like I was apart of a special club. It always helps to not feel alone.


Hi mom. I miss you so. Today I thought of you. Wondered how lovely it must be where you are. How is heaven anyways? Me and the kids often talk of what you might be doing and how wonderful it will be when they can finally see you. And they really want to know what you are seeing and hearing there. I tell them how you made the best bread and buns. How often I came home after school and you would slice that warm bread and put some butter and jam on it and how of course the jam was homemade too. Every time we go to Sears I tell them of our shopping there. I tell them how much you would have loved them. Then I secretly wonder to myself how it would be for you to be here. Especially on those days when I just want to go home. I want to go where I can sit and my kids can behave in all the ways I tell them not too, and you would scold them with love. But I will not feel like I need to jump up and correct them, because I am home. And mom, even after all these years, it is still hard not to think of the regrets. Of all the should have and could haves. But then I remember the words that were whispered to me from heaven that soothed my soul 'She has been healed completely'. And thinking of those words brings me the same peace it brought me all those years ago.
I love you mom!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

"To me they were Mom"

Today was Feshya's Valentines party. She wanted to bring cookies. So yesterday we got out her Fairy Cookbook and she choose the cute little marshmallow fudge cutouts. Well, they didn't exactly work to cut out, but they were yummy and the perfect shade of pink for any 9 yr girl's world. Being the fabulous mom that I am (please see the humor there) I had to find a way to make it work. There needed to be some redeeming.
The day had started with making Valentine's to hand out. We got out all our supplies with ideas of the fabulous/better than any bought valentine's we were going to make. That was the plan, yet our sad little papers were not turning out as we had imagined. So, I looked at her and said "I bet they have some really cute one's at the store with the sparkle's already on them.......????!!!!". Off we went, and found the cutest Littlest Pet Shop ones that really did have sparkles on them (score one for momma).
And now the cookies. I couldn't possibly just go and buy something. So I put on my Super Mom Cape and thought, What to do with this fudge. I had to make this work. I saw visions of getting a 'My mom is the best and makes all the best things, and don't you wish your mom was like mine' award.
So after sending her off to school this morning, and then spending the morning in the kitchen, I flew off in my Super Mommy Mobile (otherwise known as the really stinky dirty green van out in my driveway).
After many giggles, hugs and kisses upon delivery I knew I had done good. Really good.

But, I had to ask.

"So, were the cookies the best at the party?" Yes I do see the grasping for a compliment I was doing there, just so you know.
And she said the magic words

"To me they were mom!"

That is what she said. I smiled and leaned over and kissed her forehead, and she smiled at me knowingly.

This is the moment that makes it all worth while.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I don't know what it is with this month. I have tried to enjoy it, maybe even love it, but it just ain't workin for me. I am cold, chilled, right to my core. I am wondering if it is healthy how many cups of tea and coffee I consume in a day just to try and stay warm. Most days I just want to crawl under my coziest of blankets and have a nice long nap, then make a great cup of coffee and read a book. That doesn't work too well when I am supposed to be educating my children, and making sure we all have clean clothes and unmentionables to wear. I do realize I live in one of the 'warm' pockets of this vast country of ours when it comes to winter. I really do have so much respect for my family who continue to brave those nasty prairie winters. Really, you get the prize. The one thing I am jealous of is the beautiful sunshine you get even when it is minus a zillion degrees. So, tomorrow I will make pink heart cookies with my children for Valentines day. We will call it math, reading, and health class. (oh how I love the homeschooling life) Maybe that is why someone decided to put Valentines in one of the dreariest months of the year. To give us something to celebrate - Love! And really, what could possibly be better to celebrate than Love. Then we will all crawl under big cozy blanket together and eat those sugary heart cookies together!


We are back! The powers that be got confused and when I tried repeatedly to log onto my Blog, they decided someone was tampering with my account. So after many emails explaining to all these powers that be that is was only sweet little ol me, not some masked mad person trying to steal my account, the decided to let me back. And for that I am thankful. So all of you out there please know, Google and Yahoo take their security VERY seriously!